Tonight I go to the gym and do an upper body workout. I started on cardio, which always makes me feel good, then moved on to the weights. And ended up leaving the gym feeling depressed.
And not just because I can’t lift my arms above my head.
It’s not supposed to work this way, right? The gym is supposed to make you feel better, pump endorphins into your system, give you runners high, lifters high, whatever, right? Instead I come away, barely able to move my arms, feeling pain in my shoulders as I type this, and like an utter pansy. It’s depressing when you step over to use a machine after a guy who’s not that much bigger/more buff, and change the weight stack from 80 pounds to 20. God, I’m so out of shape.
Well, not entirely:I love cardio. I get on a treadmill and can run forever. Hell, I went for a ten mile hike yesterday. But then I go for a shoulder lift and set the weight at 20 pounds. It doesn’t do much for the self esteem.
I keep swinging back and forth on whether or not I’m ready to start dating, and this whole “you’re a pansy” blow the gym is dealing me every couple of days isn’t helping. I’ll start to feel okay about myself and my life, and therefore ready to start dating again, then I’ll hit the gym and walk out the door sore, weak, and slightly depressed about the whole thing and think “how can I possibly be ready for dating, or impress any girl in LA for that matter”?
Where the hell is the endorphin rush? I need it now!
The GeekHiker 
Well… it takes time. If you walk in there expecting to be awesome at it, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. Don’t start off where you wanna be, but where you are, and then get better. And maybe it would be better if you didn’t do it for the girls, but for yourself.
Sometimes endorphins just don’t make us happy. Sometimes they just do their original job and cut down the pain where it’s needed. But I know how you can be happy, and you’ll find it where you may never expected. Do you believe in heaven? I’m not talking about killing yourself, lol, of course not, I’m just asking a question.
~K~
By: Kate on June 5, 2007
at 6:03 am