The GeekHiker

When it comes to online dating, the first step in the process is to create a profile: a description of yourself and all the qualities that supposedly make you, well, you.

Essentially what this boils down to is pimping yourself on the web.  You’re trying to create a profile that, on the one hand, will appeal to the widest variety of members of the opposite sex, while at the same time trying to be specific enough to narrow those members to those you might have a connection with.  You’re essentially doing the “hard sell” of yourself.

Hell, it’s probably just like a gigelo’s advertisement, were I to throw in a picture of my privates.

So, to help me accomplish the “hey look at me, I’m wonderful” art of the online profile, I enlisted the help of the Best Friend.  She called me and told me some really, really wonderful things about myself and my personality, half of which I remember and a tenth of which I think I actually believe.

That’s not for lack of self confidence, per se; I’ve just always looked at myself as being a pretty average guy, with perhaps an above-average number of interests.  Don’t knock it: ten years ago I wanted to throw myself in front of a train.  It’s progress, trust me.

Despite her kind comments, despite the self confidence I’ve attained having entered my 30’s, despite all that, I’m having a hell of a time writing a profile that I’m willing to release to the public.  And for the life of me, I can’t figure out why.

My first thought was that, well, I don’t really fit into the neat little boxes of the online dating profile pages.  Then again, who doesn’t feel that way?

My second thought is that, perhaps I’m just not yet ready to re-enter the dating market.  After all, I only broke up with The Ex two months ago.  I can never rember the math that one is supposed to apply here: is it one week for every year you were together?  One month for every year you were together?  Subtract one month for each year the relationship was long distance?  Multiply by the total number of relationships you’ve had, divide by the number of times you’ve been dumped, carry the remainder and add all the bad dates in your life then divide by your age and take that long before re-entering the dating market?

I think, somewhere, deep down in the dark corners of my brain, something just broke.

Perhaps, though, I should just throw something together, utterly by instinct, incorporating some of The Best Friend’s kind words, and toss it out on the web.  In online dating, it seems, most make their judgements based on the little one-inch-square picture before anything else anyway.

So there’s the plan.  Don’t over think it.  I think too much anyway.  Just throw it out there, write to a few women, see what happens.

What’s the worst that can happen?  The just won’t write back.

Or they will, and they’ll tell me to go fuck myself.

But I think that’s as bad as it can get.

Here goes ‘nuthin.