“Well, hopefully you can find a nicer place to live someday.”
My Dad said that to me today. Again.
I thought maybe I wouldn’t hear it this year, since he didn’t say it while he was here for Thanksgiving, but he managed to slip it into the conversation tonight.
Actually, he’s said it about every place I’ve ever lived. From my dorm room in college through tiny in-law apartments to the smallish duplex I live in today.
Every. Single. One.
I know he’s thinking that it’s a positive when he says it. That, in his mind, he’s just indicating his hopes that his son will find a really nice place to live someday. I’m his kid, after all.
I know he’s saying it too because he always wanted to get out of the “big city” himself but never managed to, and hopes that I will. So besides my own hopes and dreams, I haven’t quite lived out his hopes and dreams either. No pressure, right?
I tune it out now. I’ve accepted that I’ll never live in a place that quite lives up to his standards of what he thinks I deserve for housing, the home he thinks I should have.
But every time I hear it I still feel, just a little bit, like a failure.
The GeekHiker 
I hear you.
You’re not a failure.
By: just a girl on November 26, 2007
at 10:17 pm
Well, at least he didn’t say “Well, hopefully you can find a nice girl to marry someday.”
By: charlotte harris on November 27, 2007
at 11:49 am
just a girl – thanks. Deep down I know it, but his saying it makes me feel that way sometimes.
charlotte – Heh, no, Mom fulfills that role…
By: geekhiker on November 27, 2007
at 12:25 pm
I’m thinking he wouldn’t be all that fond of my garage lifestyle! 🙂 See just think it could be worse!
By: *kb* on November 27, 2007
at 1:17 pm
I know what you mean; my parents project their hopes and dreams on me, too. Apparently, having our own hopes and dreams isn’t enough.
By: Wendy on November 27, 2007
at 2:33 pm
*kb* – Actually, I lived in one of those when I was in SF!
Wendy – It’s frustrating, but I highly suspect it’s just one of those “things” that all parents do. Which makes it no less annoying, eh? 🙂
By: geekhiker on November 27, 2007
at 10:30 pm
Comfortable enough to tell the old man how you feel?
I’ll tell you what — I had it out with my dad several years ago. We’ve never been better since that. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him sooner. 🙂
By: Aaron on November 28, 2007
at 11:42 am
I don’t think parents realize what they’re doing when they stay stuff like that…its almost as though you’re not good enough until ___________ happens. They have an idea in mind of what they want for you and until you achieve it you get the “hopefully one day”…mine do it all the time so I get it. We’re works in progress goshdarnit! Maybe your place isn’t Versailles…but its YOURS (and quite honestly do you want to live in Versailles? Its a bit much IMO).
By: ruby on November 30, 2007
at 7:45 am