The GeekHiker

I’ve been decidedly out-of-sorts all week, and I can’t seem to put my finger on precisely why.

There are a few probable contributing factors, to be sure. None of them seem significant enough, on their own or combined, really, to have brought about the mood I’ve been in.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve spent the past two weeks working in the server cage. Apparently, my office is on the same electrical line as the company lunchroom. Which means that my office (with several computers, multiple monitors, etc.), a refrigerator, two vending machines, a toaster oven and no less than four 1000 watt microwaves were running on a single 20 amp breaker.

The really scary part? The breaker didn’t trip. Nope, it held, and the plastic coatings on the wiring melted instead. Two uncovered wires running over-amperage in close proximity is perfect for a short, and a prime recipe for a fire.

So I decamped with my laptop and set up in the server room, which was fine for the first couple of days.

But for two weeks now I’ve spent the majority of my daylight hours sitting in a bright, fluorescent-lit, noisy, cold room. Hasn’t done much for my mental state, I don’t think.

Or maybe it’s the lack of sleep. See, the neighbors are still, on occasion, fighting. Or sometimes they’re laughing together (I swear they’re actually manic-depressive as a couple). Or they turn on the TV at full volume.

At three a.m.

Of course, by the time I get up, put on some decent clothes and shoes and make a move towards the door, they’ve turned it down. But by then, yep, I’ve lost that bit ‘o REM sleep and lost whatever lovely dream I was dreaming.

Have either of these things contribute to the fact that I’ve felt bloody awful all week? I’m sure they do. But are they the cause? I don’t know.

All I really know is that all week I’ve felt decidedly negative. Not depressed, so much, as extremely, well, down on everything. Like my thought patterns want to cast everything into a negative light.

And grumpy. Hell, I even snapped at my co-workers this week.

And really, really critical of myself. (Okay, I can be like that sometimes just as a general personality trait but, this week, it was particularly prevalent.)

Ever been in one of those moods where, no matter what the precise subject matter, your brain just turned it negative:

• Work – “what’s the point? I can run a network but I’ll never pass this damn test”
• Dating – (perusing the dating site) “what’s the point? I’m not nearly smart-enough /good-looking-enough /wealthy-enough /well-rounded-enough /well-traveled-enough for any of these women”
• The Gym – “what’s the point? I’m working my ass off and I’ll never be even remotely as in-shape as the other guys here”

Sense a trend? No, it’s not a good way to think. No, it’s not how I ordinarily think. Yeah, it’s that mood, and I’m sure we’ve all been there.

How to fix it? Probably only time, right?

Or maybe some hiking. Maybe I’ll go hiking both days this weekend, if I can swing it. Last week’s hike was good, but a very active hike.

And I think I need a little time just sitting under a tree.