Posted by: GeekHiker | June 11, 2008

Hey, No Fair!

(A bit tongue-in-cheek. Say, about 50% tongue-in-cheek.)

Today I read an article online that, well, I know I took away an entirely different message from than I probably should have.

Really, I do.

I know I should take some silly lesson from this like “there’s someone out there for everyone” or something like that.

But that wasn’t the reaction I had when I read this article.

Look, I’m all for the guy. Really I am. He’s headed in the right direction, and more power to him.

Then I came across this line:

“We are a couple,” Uribe said, “We have sex, and in the eyes of God we are already married.”

Well, dammit. I’m an average, 5’10, 167 lb guy (okay, fine, a few pounds of that are around my gut and, no matter how damn hard I work at the gym, Won’t. Go. Away. Still, I’m not in THAT bad of shape), and there’s a 700 lb guy out there who’s getting more action than I am.

I’m not usually the type to turn to the universe-at-large and utter words “that’s just not fair!”, but, well, uh, damn it all, it’s just not fair



  1. Hey, I totally understand your reaction — I mean, you read my last post, after all! But I assume you’d rather not trade places with a guy who hasn’t left his bed in 6 years…even though he’s getting action in said bed, no? 😉

  2. Hmmm… I got to that line in the article and wondered, really, really… threw up a little bit in my mouth, and wondered seriously… seems either boring or dangerous…

  3. Yeah, what’s the deal with that!

  4. Come on, Dude!! You need to warn a person when you are going to subject us to those type of visual images.

  5. Im right there with ya dear, I can understand your reaction. It’s not fair. It’s frustrating. Aggravating. I don’t know what other definitions I can use…

  6. Face it GH, there’s just a LOT more of him to love. You just can’t offer a woman what he can. But perhaps you can find a woman who is not CRAZY and actually likes reasonably svelt, non-bed-ridden chaps.

    Or maybe you should start eating non-stop and not leave your bed. That might work, too.

  7. Wow. I just don’t understand the mechanics of that intercourse would work.

    Oooh, by the way, this reminds of some lyrics by NOFX.

    “In the Dust Bowl,
    Cerebral Black Hole,
    The Average Weight is Well Over 200 Pounds.

    I Hate to Generalize,
    But Have You Seen the Thighs?
    Most Haven’t Seen Their Genitalia in a While.”


  8. Sooo, she’s got a fetish for big guys… But surely, there must be somewhere a geekhiker fetishist!

  9. Ok, hes getting some action. But chances are the type of girl that finds him attractive is probably not the girl for you! Just guessing.

  10. Eloquently put. I couldn’t agree with you more and *sigh* feel the same way too.

  11. Yikes! If I ever get that big – someone just shoot me and put me out of my misery!!

  12. Singlefabulous – Hmmm… can I think about that one? 😉

    Aly – Sorry ‘bout the indigestion…

    Just A Girl – I know!

    Dingo – Sorry. Will be sure to include a warning next time.

    Cripkitty – All good words!

    Mel Heth – True, I guess I can’t argue that. Really, women like that exist?

    TGAW – Best not to think about it too much. Nice lyric pull!

    Gany – One can only hope!

    Backpacker Momma – Well, I don’t want his girl, just A girl! LOL

    LY – I’m sure there are a lot of us in the same boat. I guess that kind of chemistry isn’t a science!

    Dobegil – No, no. Like I said, I have nothing against him, and by the same token, even if you did get that big, you wouldn’t change, so we’d miss you!

  13. Aaww, Thanks, GH!

  14. You want me? When did this happen???


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