Posted by: GeekHiker | July 19, 2011

The Journal: June, 2010

It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to write. So much has been going on, there’s simply been no time to write.

Part of the problem is that I usually add to this when I’m in the out-of-doors, but shortly after my last entry I developed plantar fasciitis, and my hiking dwindled to nothing. Today I returned to the Secret Spot, a hike of only a couple of miles.

Between this and the hike a couple of weeks ago, I wonder if my staying off the trails was a mistake. There is little or no pain in my feet right now, perhaps owing to the better support in the boots, perhaps owing to the fact that its not being in the gym. It still strikes me as odd, though, given that the original injury occurred on a hike.

[Please, dear God, wherever my travels take me, let them be injury free.  Especially long-term injuries!]

Nevertheless, it seems to be a good idea that I begin on the hikes again, for my own mental well-being if nothing else.

At the same time, I’ve started studying for the Windows 7 test, a test I’m almost sure to fail.  I say that not out of my own typical self-depreciation, but because of the nature of the test itself.  The sheer volume of stuff to memorize, including arcane command-line commands, is simply daunting.

In high school, I didn’t do great on the biology finals for much the same reason.  I understand the concepts just fine, but the finals require rote memorization of species, genus, phylum, etc.  It’s not a talent I excel at, and I fear I will have the same problem with this test now.

[One of the biggest things I’ve learned about myself in the last year-and-a-half is that I’m a lousy test-taker. I’m hoping my experience will serve to carry me somewhat, or at least get me an interview…]

But the injury and the studying are mere warm-ups to the next distraction: the girl.

I met her through the blog, and we fell into… well, immediate lust, if I’m to be perfectly honest about it.

She’s younger than I am (by 11 years), and lives quite some distance away, so we’ve only seen each other a few times.  Still, those times have been fun, running the gamut from hiking to biking to lounging at the beach.

[Though, to be frank, I’m not a beach guy.  Shady tree by the river for me, thanks.]

What is it, though?  The beginnings of something deep or a summer fling or something in-between?  I don’t know, nor do I know what she thinks.

Now, this is the part where things get strange: I haven’t really been thinking about it much.  Which, needless to say, is pretty atypical for me.

Whereas in the past I would find myself thinking, nay, obsessively over-thinking the whole situation, I find in this case I am not.

Instead, I’m just having a good time, enjoying it for what it is.  And I can honestly say I don’t know if I’ve ever done that before.

In some ways its both a sign of growth and, paradoxically, of regression.  On the one hand, I’ve finally reached a point where I can let go; on the other, I’m having a good time… like I should have way back in college.

[In other words, I’d regressed to a college-aged guy.  Does that render what I’d said earlier about wanting a relationship null?  I don’t think so…]

* * *

So, where does this leave me in June, 2010?

For one thing, I lost most of May.  That’s the thing about girls: they can be damn distracting.

Beyond that, stress has been the theme of the day.  There’s simply been too much to do and too little time.

This time around, though, I’ve been fighting to simplify.  I stopped blogging, which hurts as there are often things I want to write, but writing and editing posts was taking too long.  In fact, the effort to write was taking away from the joy of writing.

I pulled off FB and all the other social sites, for the most part, though I still do comment on other blogs on my lunch hour at work.  I may not be actively blogging, but its nice to keep up.

Besides work and study, I still try to get to the gym as I can, though motivation on that front has been tough.

My planning to get out of L.A. has slipped somewhat, not the least of which is because of the girl.  I had also intended to take the week-long server class at the end of June, but the OS studying has taken too long.

Perhaps that’s a good thing.  If I do take the test, I’ll at least have some idea of what I’m in for.  The certifications have always been intended as a backup anyway, but a backup to doing what with my life I do not know.

Still, for all the stress and the questions and the things I have to do, I find myself feeling oddly more balanced about things.  Why, exactly, is hard to say.  It may be the influence of being with a woman for the first time in far too long, which always aids the confidence.  Or it may be the feeling of forward momentum.  I may not have figured out how to balance all the things I need to do, or to prioritize appropriately, but there’s definitely a feeling of getting things done.

[The older I get, and the more single I say, the more I realize that the old adage about a woman behind every successful man has a certain ring of truth to it…]

Where exactly this will lead, I’m not too sure.  I’m trying to strike a balance between my eyes on the prize, and not being overwhelmed by it.

Where will I travel to?  Will I go alone, or will this girl be my companion?  Or we simply at two difference places (her in her mid-twenties considering more schooling, I in my mid-thirties having what no doubt amounts to mid-life crisis)?  Will I continue to work in IT, or will some new, fascinating door open up to me?

[Dunno, no, who-knows, dunno.]

Even as I write the questions, though, I find myself oddly unconcerned about the answers.

For the moment, I’m concentrating on the small parts I need to concentrate on, the things I must immediately achieve.

The answers to everything else will come in time.

[Oh, my, how little has changed.  At the moment I’m still trying to concentrate on smaller things: packing, closing up the bills, preparing to move.  If I don’t, or in the quiet moments, it’s all to easy to be totally and completely overwhelmed by all that I have to do.  That and wondering both how I obtained so darn much stuff, and why I seem so reticent to toss so much of it.  I mean, really, do I need stuff from my film career of fifteen years ago?  No, but I can’t seem to toss it, so into a box it goes…]

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Responses

  1. Bemusing post. I admit I’m not the most faithful of your “followers” and therefore did some rereading of your archives as I couldn’t recall anything about this relationship.

    I am going to reiterate what I’ve already said : lose the useless stuff. Unless you actually plan to use those remnants to jump start your filming career…

  2. Wow there was a girl and none of us knew? I guess you couldn’t write about her because she read this. Given your current commentary, I’m guessing maybe it didn’t work out. But I wanted to high-five you for just enjoying it and feeling like a college kid! That’s totally the way it should be – at least in the beginning. Just enjoying and getting to know the person. I’m psyched for you that you were able to do that. It can be a hard skill to master for us over-thinkers. 😉


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