Posted by: GeekHiker | August 3, 2011

The Journal: May, 2011 (2)

I put up a post a couple of weeks back, asking my readers how they make difficult decisions.  The responses were intelligent and well-thought-out and, befitting the wide variety of my readers, diverse.

I’ve come to realize, though, that I’ve known the decision I need to make.  I’ve known it all along.  Which is good, I suppose, given that, as it turns out, the decision is going to be made for me.

At work, they’re planning to move to an online, terminal-services system. They’re rushing it, of course, as is their habit, which almost guarantees that it will be, initially, a mess.  I also guarantees that, after over 10 years of loyally working my ass off for the place, they’ll use it as a reason to terminate me.

I’m not supposed to know this, of course.  I’m supposed to be stupid and ignorant and not suspect a thing.  And, to wit, I’m playing that role, continuing to work as if nothing has changed, even contributing my knowledge to the project.  But I know the end is at hand.

It’s more than the job, though.  I’ve know as well by the online dating profile that I put up, the feeling that I’ve had that now is just not the right time.  It’s an odd feeling, though, as I know deep down that I want to meet someone, to love and be loved.  Odd especially as I finally have a good profile, courtesy of Rachel Machacek.  But I also know that the time is wrong, because it is the other path I believe I will be on shortly.

[And yet we all hope, don’t we?  Even those who keep telling me how all-fired-up grand it was to be single, still sought out another.  If being single is so great, why put any effort at all into ending it?]

* * *

Next weekend I’ll be camping along the central coast.  I’ll be meeting up with the Parentage, and finally telling them about all this.

I do not seek their approval.  They can either be behind me on this, or not hear from me for several months.  The choice is theirs.

[Damn, that sounds cold, doesn’t it?  LOL]

I won’t lie, though: deep down I fervently hope they’ll be backing and not opposing.

I’ll be talking to the financial advisor as well, though I know she’s already behind me.  Mostly, I think, I’ll be looking to her for moral support.  It’s nice when the person who’s thinking long-term, all the way to retirement age, tells you your crazy idea is wonderful.

Then, I think things will start moving quickly.  I will either give notice or simply ask my boss to fire me.  Once the income is gone, the rush will be on to back, prepare, store, and go.

I’ve pretty much decided to start with a road trip; I think anything international is just too late to plan for.

Needless to say, I have a lot to do.

[And when I wrote that, I had no idea just how much!]

* * *

I’m more at ease than I though I would be.  That’s not to say I’m not scared, mind you.  I most certainly am.

Still, I’m relatively calm in the knowledge that I will be out of work soon.  That I will be traveling alone.  That I don’t know where I’m going to end up.  That I don’t know what I’ll be doing.

Actually, when I put it hat way, its scary as hell.

But I started this journal saying that “I hate my life,” and my greater fear is not to change that.

I’m not just quitting my job.  Not just hitting the road.

I’m taking control.

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Responses

  1. YAY!!! Now THAT’s what I’m talking about! Good on you for taking charge of your life!

  2. i love it!

  3. That doesn’t sound cold at all actually. It’s “your” life, you can do whatever you want with it. And you definitely don’t need their approval.

  4. High-fiving you in my mind right now…


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