Posted by: GeekHiker | August 15, 2008

Friday Doctor Sillyness

Proof positive that two extremes can exist in the same guy:

Exhibit A: At the doctor’s office last week.

During my physical I found out that I have great blood pressure, pulse, okay body weight, etc. In the course of his questioning, of course, he had to ask about my sexual activity.

“Uh, not in…” Well, let’s just say the time I told him can fit squarely in the category of “long-ass”.

He looks at me. “Oh, dear,” he says with a smile, “we really need to do something about that!”

What I thought: “Oh, really?” I ranted in my head, “No kidding! Is that your diagnosis? Your ‘freakin professional opinion? Is that why my head feels like it’s gonna explode sometimes? Is that why I find myself, despite my unyielding respect for women, sizing up attractive women I pass on the street like a judge at the Westminster Kennel Show? Why I feel like I’m turning into the stereotypical male pig? Huh? Really? Maybe you could give me a eff’ing prescription for my condition? And I DO mean that literally!”

What I said: “Heh, uh, yeahhhhhhh.”

And chuckled the fakest chuckle I ever did chuckle.

* * *

Exhibit B: At the grocery store

The flip side: picking up groceries at the store the evening after my physical I saw bunches of roses on display near the registers. On sale. For a really good price.

And breathed a sigh that I had no one to buy them for.

Now as to whether that’s because I’m well aware that B is often used on the path to solve the problem in A, or simply that I’m an incurable romantic? Well, I’ll leave that for you to ponder. 😉



  1. Awwww! You’re no pig just because you want a little somethin’ somethin’.

    I think it just makes you human, a human who wants the touch of another and one who misses having someone special around.

    And I know you have a romantic side because I saw it in Oregon when you got me my cup of tea and cake. It seemed like a small thing but it meant a lot.
    I also liked that you said you were ‘just upping my expectations for [the future] guy”.

    You are good.

  2. It would have been so blog-worthy to get a prescription for booty! It would be fun to see you at bars going “No, you can’t slap me! I have a CONDITION. See, look at my doctor’s note!”


    The roses? Makes you sweeter than pie. You should’ve bought them and gone on some humanitarian effort for the day. Like those people who go around putting quarters in parking meters, you’d just hand out roses to women.

  3. Seriously, GH – you are going to make some lucky lady very happy one day.

    You give me hope that I can find a nice guy back here on the East Coast- or, if not here, somewhere, at some point.

    Because really, I’d just about given up hope that good ones do still exist.

  4. That would have been an awesome prescription but you could only fill it with a trip to Nevada.

  5. This is the first time I’ve heard of a doctor actually encouraging a patient to do something to raise his blood pressure. Day-um! You must be in some dire straights.

    Have you ever tried visiting a Sex Addicts meeting? No, not to say you are one but you know, you may find someone who has fallen off the wagon. Just a suggestion. 😉

  6. I’d like to echo the above. You’re human, a person has needs! Don’t be hard on yourself, embrace it.

    I would like to have seen that Rx though…what is the clinical term for that?

  7. I’m rarely at the doctor’s office, but whenever they bust out those sorta questions I say all sorts of sketchy stuff about my illicit drug use and promiscuous activities with hookers. Every so often, there is a doctor that isn’t surprised. :O

  8. Until I had what I thought was a friends-with-beneifts thing going on, I had been celibate for a lot longer than I will admit to. My doc filled me BC prescription every year and called me the Eternal Optimist. I too would love to see YOUR prescription!

  9. Just A Girl – Thanks reminding me it’s okay to be human. And I hope I did raise your hopes. You deserve it.

    TheCoconutDiaries – Heh. I should have tried to convince him to write one on his prescription pad!

    East Coast Teacher – You are too kind. You will for sure, I have no doubt.

    Homer-Dog – *snicker*

    Dingo – Well, they do say it’s good for one’s health. Hah! Actually, it’s a thought…

    SingleFabulous – Thanks to you as well. I wish I knew the clinical term!

    AA – Hmmm… not a bad thought.

    Kori – I’m not going to admit how long it’s actually been. It would’a been a fun prescription, eh?

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