Posted by: GeekHiker | November 12, 2008

In Between

Sunday night I went to a group outing at a restaurant. It’s one of the online groups that I’ve done activities with before, though I hadn’t been out with them in several months.

Odd, isn’t it, how things like backpack trips and family health and falling for a girl only to have her blow you off can get in the way of things, isn’t it?

Go figure.

Truth be told, I kinda didn’t want to go. I hemmed and hawed over it until the very last minute. Sitting in front of my computer, playing another game on Kongregate (I really should send them a nice thank you letter for helping to get my mind off things for short bursts of time over the last few weeks), I finally decided to go.

It was… okay.

I saw several people there that I’d known from previous outings. Many of them greeted me and commented on the fact that it had “been a while.” I meekly mumbled something about “life getting in the way” in response.

Whether or not any of them had actually missed me, I have no idea. It is, after all, an online meeting group, and I doubt any of them consider me a friend, at least not outside of the “group” construct. On the other hand, they remembered me, so I guess that’s something.

I ended up sitting roughly in the middle of one of the tables, with conversations going on at either end. I would join in one conversation or the other as best I could given the noise level in the room.

A big chunk of the time, though, I found myself participating in neither, just sort of sitting in-between the conversations. Try as I might, I just couldn’t seem to slip into either one.

I think I’m glad I went. I mean, it got me out of the house, and that’s supposed to be a good thing, right?

I dunno. Still felt weird a lot of the time. Like not quite being “present” in the situation.

Its how I’ve felt a lot lately, actually.

What that means, I have no idea.



  1. I’m glad you went even if you ended up in that middle of the table limbo land.

    It’s funny that being in the middle of things is generally a good thing and yet when it comes to table seating it is a weird non sort of spot.

  2. Sometimes those large group things are more awkward and weird than a smaller, more intimate group where you can pay attention to a select few. Unless of course, everyone gets wasted and flirts outrageously, despite being mostly marriedly bored. That’s what always happens to me. Hence the singlehood. *Sigh*

  3. Life often does get in the way of living.

    I’m glad you’re getting out. I would take the fact that some remembered you and realized that it’d been awhile as a good sign. They found you interesting enough to remember. It’s possible that your current bummed attitude may be clouding your perception a little. I know I miss obvious clues when I’m down in the dumps. Who knows, your future wingman might just be in that group somewhere.

  4. I think its great you went and people remembering you and noticing you hadn’t been around recently is also a good sign.

  5. You turned me on to Kongregate a few weeks ago, and I’ve wasted so much time because of it! There’s nothing quite like shooting at bubbles and launching Hedgehogs into outer space!

  6. congrats for making the effort!

    Do you think it’s better in the middle of two going conversations than being awkward at one end? Vicarious evesdropping vs obvious not-presentness?

  7. Sounds like you’ve been out of the game for a bit..distracted by your grandmother and the like. But it’s not quite like riding a bike; you’ll get it, though. That ease of conversation, feeling mixed in rather than stapled to.

  8. Good for you for going! I like Homer Dog’s notion that your wingman could be in that group somewhere. The more you spend time with the same people, the easier it’ll be to break into the conversations at either end of the table. I’ll bet there are some hikers in the group who would be honored to have you lead them on one of the trails down here!

  9. “Like not quite being “present” in the situation.”
    It means you are not quite being present in the present. Your mind is wondering on things that passed, so it’s not present anywhere else.

    Sometimes is not about having the best time ever, but seeing people and breathing a different air. That helps.

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