Posted by: GeekHiker | February 12, 2009

Evaporated

I keep staring at this blank screen, trying to figure out what to write.

And just after I type that I think to my self “geez, what a trite way to start a post.”  This post is gonna suck.

Here’s the thing.

You all know that I’d been in a pretty good mental state for the last couple of weeks, right?  Well, that’s gone now.  Evaporated.  Not from my own doing, but from other people pushing their life’s crap into my sphere.

And I’m none too happy about it.

Problem is, even though I’m none too happy about it, I’m also so overwhelmed by it that I’m not sure what exactly I should do.

It’s one of those times when being single, and not having someone to bounce ideas off of, really, really sucks.

As for the details, I don’t really feel like going into it in all that much depth.

I could tell you all about my boss having shit going on in his own life and taking it out on me.  Not directly, mind you, but indirectly so.

Or about the ongoing battle with the next-door-neighbor, where I’m currently deciding if I should take it to the next level or succumb to my urge to find a better, nicer place.  Preferably one with insulation so it isn’t so damn cold in the winter.

That’s the kind of crap that’s going down, but it’s not what’s bugging me.  What’s bugging me is the loss of focus.

I haven’t blogged much in the last few days because I’ve been getting things done.  For whatever reason (probably related to this) I’ve been incredibly focused, both in the now and looking forward.

Now that focus is gone, replaced by the stress everything that’s happening right at this moment and being foisted upon me by other people.

So instead of being focused and moving forward, I find myself fluctuating between being very angry about it all and being depressed by it all.

Maybe it’s a control thing.  I mean, we all like to think we’re in control of our own lives, right?  Instead other people, who clearly aren’t in control of their own situations, are sweeping me up in their wake.

And when I try to push back?  To push the problems out of my sphere and out of my life?  I’m told (indirectly and directly) that it’s not going to happen.

And yeah, you can say “fuck you” and all that, but it doesn’t do a hell of a lot of good in the end, you know?

All I really want to do is figure out what to do next about it all.  How to get everyone else’s life outta my own.

I want to get back to that focus that I had last week.

*sigh*  Crap.

At least now you know why I haven’t been responding to a lot of e-mails.

Sorry ’bout that.

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Responses

  1. You say ENOUGH. There’s only so much crap you can take before it starts screwing your life (like it is doing now!) and I say, change it, take charge of your life. I know it seems like it’s a never-ending cycle but if you want to go back to your focused self then you DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

    [please insert me yelling this on your face, and ending with a YOU HEAR ME SOLDIER. And then you say SIR YES SIR. Er, ma’am. Whatever, it sounds better with sir, doesn’t it?]

  2. This is all I got at the moment. If you come visit my blog you’ll see why. Hopefully it makes you feel better, not worse!

  3. Having a significant other doesn’t always help you post. When I ask the wife what I should post about, her answer invariably is “Lint.” I have not sunk low enough to post about lint … yet.

    As for the crappitude in your life right now … sorry, I have nothing. Do your best to ignore it I guess but I know it’s not easy.

  4. *hug*

  5. When you have people (co-workers, bosses, friends, family, etc.) in your life, you always get the good and the bad.

    I tend to lean toward hermitage, so I often avoid the bad, but I also lose out on the good.

    And don’t forget, sometimes the bad is emanating from your spouse, so I don’t know if being single vs. married has all that much to do with it.

    But I do know that the bad definitely sucks…here’s hoping you get through it relatively unscathed. And remember, it’s temporary. And although you can’t control others, you can control your own thoughts and reactions.

    By the way, I really enjoy your blog. I discovered it last Dec. and have until recently been a lurker/non-commentor.

  6. In times like these, I hit the gym, run for miles on the treadmill, with loud (I hate people) music blaring in my ears.

    I say go away for a weekend….find a new hiking spot…get away from all the negativity.

    That seemed to work wonders the last time around.

    And you know, if you need to vent, I’m all ears – even all the way over here in Boston 🙂

  7. You know how you found focus, it always helps to have some silence in a place surrounded by nature. And you can always go “get” more.

    Other than that, I’m afraid time is the only thing that shakes things into place, mentally speaking.

  8. I’m right there with ya, buddy. If you find some focus, can you snag enough for me too? Please?

  9. Started typing this massive comment and decided to send you an email. Will arrive in your inbox soonly!

  10. There are things you have control over and things you don’t. Focus on the things you do, like your living situation.

  11. I second east coast teacher’s comment, except I hit the gym and get on the rowing machine.

    Just be more careful than I was, the last time this happened, I sprained my knee.

  12. Wendy – Ma’am, yes Ma’am! But what about the things I can’t change?

    MrsChuckBartowski – Heh, that’s pretty good advice!

    Homer-Dog – I was thinking of the SO more in terms of just dealing with, you know, “life”, know what I mean?

    JustAGirl – Thanks.

    Wil – I certainly see the advantages of hermitage lately, and I certainly hope that’s temporary. Thanks for starting to comment as well!

    EastCoastTeacher – Sadly, the gym doesn’t do much for me. But I do appreciate the ear.

    Narami – I’m struggling to get to that point no, believe me.

    Ms. H – If I do, I’ll FedEx some right away!

    MrsChuckBartowski – An e-mail I shall reply to soon, I promise!

    TheCoconutDiaries – Good advice. Now if only a new place weren’t so darn expensive!

    Melinda – No, no, remember I promised myself no more knee injuries this year, right?

  13. I wish I still lived in Montana. I’d hike all the time. Such a great stress-reliever. (I’m sure you know all about that. 😉 ) Nice blog, by the way.

    Chris

  14. You meant “soon” on the geological timescale right?? Just teasing.


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