Posted by: GeekHiker | April 6, 2010

Competing Theories

Allow me, if you will, to describe the following situation, then y’all can let me know what you think.

Saturday, I went to the library to do a little research, a little reading, a little writing, all blissfully removed from the distractions at home and the obscenely constant music one finds at the average Starbucks.

When the library closed at five, I gathered my things and struck up a conversation with the young woman who had been sitting in the next cubicle over.  She had been out of sight the whole afternoon, except when she first arrived and apologized profusely for the computer’s musical start-up routine (“I don’t know how to turn it off!” she had said with a blush).

Outside, standing in the chill breeze in advance of a coming storm, we chatted for about fifteen minutes.  I asked her out for a drink.  She said she had a boyfriend.  “Oh, okay,” I replied.

She then proceeded to say something about how it was always nice to have friends in town, pulled out a piece of paper from her bag and proceeded to jot down her name, phone number and e-mail address.  We chatted for a few more minutes, wherein I learned that they both lived separately, with roommates, and had been together for about three years.  We then parted ways.

I didn’t think much about it, heading off to the grocery store, but it does make for a rather interesting discussion topic. I described the situation to co-workers at work, and people fell immediately into two camps:

  1. She was just being friendly, didn’t know many people around town and I seemed nice.
  2. She might be into me, since any girl who is very sure in her relationship isn’t just going to give out her number and e-mail to a guy after a mere 15 minutes of chatting.  E-mail?  Just being nice.  E-mail and phone?  More personal and direct, indicating definite interest.

So what do you all think?  Oooh, let’s do one of those poll things, then you can leave your detailed thoughts in the comments section…



  1. am I the first to respond? cool!

    Maybe she thinks you’d be cute match for a friend?

  2. Random stranger gives you her number? Im guessing the boyfriend line was a cover in case she didn’t dig you and then after talking she realized she dug (?) you and needed to backtrack her way out of having a boyfriend. Call her dude. (don’t call her “dude”. Just call her.)

  3. The Magic 8 Ball says: Procede with Caution.

    Flash-forward one year. You called her, hit it off, she dropped the sort-of-boyfriend, things are feeling real good for you.

    Then…she goes to the library again. Since she’s the sort of person that finds it easy to give her phone number to a total stranger – just to be firends – she gives her number, email and Twitter handle to another guy.

    How does that make you feel?

    The Magic 8 Ball doesn’t say “do not procede.” It simply says, “with caution.”

  4. I think it’s a combination of the two. She may be looking to be just friends. But dug you enough to find out more….

  5. I will be so very disappointed if you don’t call her.

    So…did you call her?!

    Hope all is well, GH 🙂

  6. i would say she is mostly just being friendly, but there are underlying additional reasons for her friendliness.

    i wouldn’t give out my phone & email to a complete stranger dude unless i were at least a little interested, even though i have a boyfriend. it’s always nice to meet that person you connect with immediately, and she couldn’t resist acting on that.

    with that said, i don’t think she is looking to leave her relationship. she enjoys your company and may even enjoy the flirting and the banter, but she is not seeking something more than friendship from you.

    that’s my guess because that’s exactly what i would be thinking if i were in her shoes.

  7. I agree with some of the previous commenters: she is definitely interested (like/trust you enough, as far as strangers go), but at this point, she is only looking for friendship (aka, nice people in a new city), at least at the beginning. Maybe her relationship is not that solid, is not exclusive (some people do have “open relationships”), or whatever, but she is not indicating “let’s hook up!”

    So, I’d say, call her and just think of her as a “friend.” Don’t you want a female friend to help you analyze all the female behaviors? 😉 I mean, you barely know this girl so maybe after you get to know her, you won’t be romantically interested anyway! But without calling/emailing her, how would you know? Maybe it’s the beginning of a friendship, maybe it will lead to more, but what do you have to lose?

    CALL HER, but don’t have any expectations. Take it easy and see how it goes. Good luck (and keep us posted? ;-))

  8. My experience: people, but specially men, confuse niceness with flirtness way too often. No, I don’t want you to get in my pants, I’m smiling and engaging in this conversation because I’m NICE.

    That said, I know nothing about this. Let us know how it goes, please.

  9. I agree with calling her with a cautious open mind. She may be interested, she may just be looking for a friend, she may be a bunny boiler OR she could be Future Mrs. Geekhiker and mother of your little geekhikers. 😉 You’ll never know if you don’t get to know her more. She’s probably looking for a fun library friend. I voted interested because of the possibilities, but now as I’m thinking about it…

    I wish you had a “I have no frikkin idea either” option in your poll 🙂

  10. No frikkin idea – yep, that’s my opinion too.

  11. I think she is interested in you as a friend now… but also lining up as backup plan for if her and her boyfriend don’t work out….

  12. Okay, I also voted “she’s interested” but would have rather said “I have no frickin’ idea either.” As you know from my own blog, I don’t understand these things.

    That said, I personally would never give out my number or even email to a guy I had just met unless I was at least moderately interested. For the record.

    I vote for calling her too… then you can potentially get to know her better and find out the real story.

  13. Oh, but I’d call her and try to hang out as friends only. I don’t think it’s a good idea to pursue her for a date when she’s specifically said she has a boyfriend.

  14. She’s interested in you as a friend. Guys and girls have very different ideas about that. Females actually ARE interested in hanging out as friends, nothing more. My experience tells me guys are always waiting for the window to take it further.

  15. M4891 – You know, I hadn’t thought of that possibility…

    CMACC – Well, I’m not convinced she was lying…

    Phil – good advice; believe me it crossed my mind. But I figured I probably shouldn’t over think things… yet…

    Spleeness – Not a bad thought…

    ECT – Uh, oh, wait till you see the next post…

    Seine – I agree, I would never suppose she was seeking more (a dangerous road that would be indeed)…

    K – Look at you, all bold and stuff! 🙂

    Narami – Well, of course men do. By and large, men get fewer positive responses from women than women do from men, so it’s natural they act stronger on each one!

    MissMcCracken – LOL, yeah, I guess I should have put that option in there…

    Homer-Dog – Understandable…

    Jean – Do women really do backup plans like that? Sheesh!

    WaitingForButterflies – The quick phone number give away, that was what surprised me too!

    WaitingForButterflies – No, no date, I would never go down that bad juju path…

    Hebba – Like I said above, guys get fewer opportunities, so yeah, we go for every window!

    • Well, still, pretty annoying when, you meet a guy that you think would be cool to hang out with and he thinks you are flirting because you give him your number and your email, if you let me use the situation here.
      That would totally happen to me. Seriously, it sort of encourages the lack of “positive responses”. It’s a cycle of doom!

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