(There’s, um, a few swear words in this one…)
I had a little capper to my vacation I thought you’d get a kick out of.
Despite the somewhat lonely train ride, I came back into town rested, relaxed, getting over a cold, and in a pretty good mood.
So, of course, I get an e-mail.
Oh, yeah, one of those fucking e-mails.
On FFB. That would be “Fucking FaceBook”, which I keep separate from my anonymous life here.
And who was the e-mail from?
Oh, I’m so glad you asked.
It was from the girl I dated in high school (yes, one of the, oh, three two women I’ve actually dated in my life). My first girlfriend, in fact. This was the one who introduced me to the wonderful world of relationships by dumping me for one of my best friends.
Because he owned a car.
(Okay, she actually damaged me in a whole lot of other ways, too, but we won’t go there now.)
Writing to tell me how she was living in Northern California.
With a cat or two.
Happily married.
WTF?
It didn’t really depress me (it was, after all, fifteen (okay, maybe more) frakking years ago), but still: WTF?
I mean, seriously? W? T? F?
Am I alone in this? Is this something that married people just do? “Oh, I’m happily married now! I think I’ll contact everyone whose heart/mind I’ve ever frakked with and tell them all about how I’m happily married now! Because I’m sure they would just LOVE to hear how I’m happily married now! And I’m sure they’d be happy for me being happily married now because, well, who wouldn’t be happy for my happiness!”
Oh, yeah, lady, I’m starting to just get filled with the happy… Then the flowers bloom, the chorus swells, the hills come alive, rainbows appear, and those cute little fucking bunnies start hopping around.
Hard not to feel like Eeyore under a raincloud in the middle of it all.
Okay, not really. It was more annoying than anything else. I actually stared at the computer screen thinking “really, universe? Really? We’re gonna go there?”
As a friend I was drinking with later on succinctly put it: “It’s like, on the one hand, you don’t give a shit because it’s ancient history, but at the same time, there’s this little wellspring of residual bitterness, right? It’s like ‘gee, I’d forgotten just how much I hated that person I haven’t thought about in fifteen years,’ right?”
“Yep, that’s about it,” I replied.
So I say again: WTF?
The GeekHiker 
Ahh, trying to spread out her happiness, isn’t she? Was it precisely directed to you or was it just a multi-mail? People tend to get lazy on Facebook, they don’t bother checking off every little box.
I’m probably cynical but I’ve grown accustomed to thinking that weddings are basically nothing but a few bothersome papers. And she’s got a 50/50 chance of being in real trouble sooner or later.
On a side note, I’ve had a good laugh reading the last 3 posts. I’ve skipped the Vancouver trip as I’m not into diaries but I don’t regret stopping by.
By: Gany on April 9, 2010
at 5:49 am
Sounds to me like she’s kinda insecure and stoopid. And cats pee on things and scratch up the furntiure. I bet she smells like cat pee now.
By: missmccracken on April 9, 2010
at 6:15 am
Aww, hell no! That’s so unacceptable. This is the BAD side of facebook. I agree with missmccracken – she sounds insecure and stupid.
By: waitingforbutterflies on April 9, 2010
at 7:02 am
I have ex’s that have befriended me on fb and ones that I have befriended a few of them are married with kids. I don’t have hate for any of them. Its nice to hear what they have been up to and Kinda happy that they are having good lives.
By: Jean on April 9, 2010
at 7:56 am
I’m quite convinced that everytime we see an ex on facebook in their happy new lives with their model mates, somewhere a puppy dies.
I mean, I’m glad they’re happy and all. But it does smart.
By: spleeness on April 9, 2010
at 12:18 pm
Maybe a puppy doesn’t die. Maybe that’s a bit harsh. Maybe it just gets kicked.
By: spleeness on April 9, 2010
at 12:19 pm
Hmmm … I can’t really see what she did wrong. I understand how you feel but she had no idea how you would take it. For all she knew you would be all happy to hear from her. If the feelings are so bad, ignore the friend request.
By: Homer-Dog on April 9, 2010
at 2:08 pm
This has happened to me recently, but it was the other way around, I OFF(ed) this guy a long time ago and it ended pretty badly, yet a few months ago he hit me up on Facebook. Told me he lives a lot closer to me know and is married. Then proceeded to send me really long detailed messages of what he’s been up to.
I like to move forward and not live in the past, close the chapter of my life, I just find it hard to re-connect with people I havent spoken to in 10+ years.
Now this guy is connected to me via Facebook, Linked In, sending me invites, WTF???! I feel this pressure that I dont want or need and he is married, go off with your wife be happy and leave me alone, LOL.
So yes I can relate.
By: ruth on April 9, 2010
at 5:16 pm
Um… no, not everyone does that. Only really stupid idiots.
You know my motto; it’s been 15 freaking years, I bet you can live another 15 without contacting me!
“Then the flowers bloom, the chorus swells, the hills come alive, rainbows appear, and those cute little fucking bunnies start hopping around.
Hard not to feel like Eeyore under a raincloud in the middle of it all.”
Hiker, I just connected with you in a whole other level right there, because that is me. I mean, I’ve said that, sans the Eeyore part which almost killed me, I might have just completed it with “yeah I feel SPECTACULARLY JOYFUL” you can ask my friends, my coworkers.
It was freaky to read my words there. But cool.
Send you a virtual shot of whatever you choose. Or a bottle of wine and then we can share it.
By: narami on April 9, 2010
at 9:47 pm
I often think that people that need to flaunt their “happiness” to someone they haven’t talked to in over 10 years (esp. someone they have hurt in the past) are crass and insecure. They need the validation (but that’s ironic becoz if you are truly happy, you know it — why do you need a semi-stranger to validate your happiness?). It’s one thing to brag on FB to everybody (one of those “status” thing), but it’s quite another to specifically WRITE to someone. WTF? Exactly.
One of my friend’s ex recently got back in touch with her and told her that not only was he married (to a girl much younger than her), he also had a baby daughter. Then he proceeded to tell her, as if out of concern, “You really should get married. It’s better to have someone in your life.” AS IF my friend doesn’t want to get married!!! She’s been looking and looking and looking and just can’t find someone, that’s all. She was soooo pissed and depressed when she told me about this.
So, I say, all those happy people, please just take your happiness and live your lives IN THE REAL WORLD, and don’t flaunt it on FB or in email unless asked.
But on the other hand, why waste your energy on someone that doesn’t mean anything to you? Just unfriend her. I unfriended my ex the moment we officially broke up. If we are not going to be friends, why do I want to know your status update? But also, forgive her. Maybe after all these years, she still has fond feelings for you (not love, but a nostalgic, friendly feeling). Maybe she doesn’t know that you are single and not so spectacularly happy. Maybe she is just bored and needs to show off. Regardless of the reason, just say to yourself, “I forgive you and I will forget you.” Then unfriend her. You don’t have to friend anyone you don’t want to be real friends with (unless they are your boss…)
And I agree FB is stupid. I have it but I never use it.
By: K on April 10, 2010
at 9:16 am
I’m happily married and don’t spare a thought for exes on a general basis, but there are still some of them I wouldn’t even piss on if they were on fire because of what they did to me…
By: SJ on April 10, 2010
at 10:35 am
Thats weird. I don’t bother putting exes on FB. They’re exes for a reason. My guess? She’s not as happily married as shes telling you.
By: cmacc on April 10, 2010
at 5:26 pm
My goodness, I’ve missed so much!
And this is the reason I am not on FB. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t make friends with FB look up FB profiles of my exes. Just to see if they are fat and miserable.
By: Dingo on April 12, 2010
at 4:03 pm
How about when somebody you haven’t seen in a long time who is married gives you the “Oh, don’t worry. It’ll happen for you.” WTF? Maybe I’m single because I didn’t want to settle. shithead.
By: hebba on April 13, 2010
at 6:07 pm
Gany – Nope, sent directly to me. Included her maiden name, just so I’d know exactly who it was. And truth be told, I hope she’s happy. I just don’t want to know about it!
MissMcCracken – LOL, you’re hilarious!
WaitingForButterflies – Yeah, so far FB hasn’t been the best experience for me…
Jean – I don’t hate her. I think it was just timing, coming on the heels of the trip and all…
Spleeness – LOL, yeah, it does smart, even if your feelings towards them are favorable!
Spleeness – Heh 🙂
Homer-Dog – She didn’t do anything wrong, I suppose. But, still, a bit presumptuous on her part, given that it was she who dumped me, to assume that just because of time I would feel happy to hear from her, don’t you think?
Ruth – Exactly! Just want to let sleeping dogs lay, right?
Narami – Great minds think alike, eh? If I ever get to PR, we will have to go out and get properly shit-faced. 🙂
K – I never actually friended her, nor did she send an invite. It was just an e-mail out of the blue. And, as I said above, it was more a matter of poor timing than anything else. For which I blame the Universe, not her.
SJ – Meh, I’d probably put her out were she on fire. I’m charitable like that.
CMACC – It’s possible, but why would she reach SO far into the past, I wonder? (Purely rhetorical question, BTW)
Dingo – Well, no picture was included, so I can’t say…
Hebba – Ugh, worst line ever!
By: geekhiker on April 13, 2010
at 9:27 pm
It’s always sucky when YOU were the nice one in the relationship and YOU deserve to find happiness before the other person and they beat you to it. I cried when my college boyfriend got married. Not because I wanted to be with him, but because I wanted to be happy (first).
I hope you wrote her back and said, “Oh you poor dear? Married. Good luck with that. I’m living the high life as a bachelor in sunny So Cal. Babes in bikinis, great hiking, all that good stuff.”
By: Mel Heth on April 14, 2010
at 3:48 pm
haha! I’m sorry that “smarted” but at least you ranted with some humor. I would agree it is quite strange for someone who isn’t even your FB friend to message you via FB to update you on her fabulous life, I mean really, does sound like som gratuitous bragging. I would also agree withe the others who have ventured to guess she isn’t as happy as she apparently feels the need to proclaim. Yeah, sometimes no matter how much time has passed that little chunk of bitterness remains.
I agree with Mel, write back about your successful geek life in SoCal and embellish a little, why the hell not?!
By: s'dizzle on April 15, 2010
at 12:48 pm
It sounds like your ex has waaaay too much free time on her hands. Who has that kind of free time to proactively seek out people from 15 years ago to brag about happiness?!?
She needs a hobby. 🙂
By: tgaw on April 16, 2010
at 7:07 am
i love mel heth’s answer – you should so do that. this girl is either whack or has amnesia. it’s one thing to look up old friends that you’ve genuinely wished you hadn’t lost touch with, and another to contact someone when things didn’t end well. people are weird.
By: blakspring on April 27, 2010
at 4:44 pm
Sounds like a numbers girl, get that friend count up.
I set FB with a different name just so I didn’t have to deal with people I didn’t want to hear from. They occasionally sneak but then I ignore the friend request.
By: just a girl on May 17, 2010
at 9:22 pm