Posted by: GeekHiker | April 5, 2011

What Do You Do?

Have you ever have a moment, a shining moment of clarity, when you realize that not only did someone you trusted lie to you, but that the act casts doubt on everything that they ever told you?

When that realization strikes, what do you do?

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Responses

  1. I think there needs to be more to be known for something like this. Trust your gut feeling. But if you can’t trust someone, what’s the point?

    On another note… I have given you the Versatile Blogger Award! Check out my post to read more about it: http://elenamusic.wordpress.com/2011/04/05/the-versatile-blogger-award/

  2. Depends on the person. But from my experience, I usually rant about it on my blog and then try to be more successful at life than the other person. If I still want that person in my life, I confront their actions. But I tend to be a bit Mr. Darcy about it… :/

  3. First, i would ask the person why the lie? It’s not necessary to lie to a friend. Life is too short for this stuff. Then I would knock this person from a friend to an acquaintance.

  4. Since it “casts doubt on everything that they ever told you” I would do one of two things:

    (1) If the person is important to you, I would asked them to explain why they lied and then adjust my relationship with them based on their answer.

    or (2) I f they are not important to you, make as clean of a break with them as possible. You do not have time to deal with untrustworthy people.

  5. I think Bruce is right. I’ve had very close friends lie to me, and although it totally pisses me off and sucks, sometimes I care about them so much that I’m just willing to rethink who they are and accept them in a different light.

    I would love to provide further counsel via email if you want to share any more details of the situation.

  6. According to Dr. House, we all lie, all the time 🙂 It depends on the kind of lie. If it’s a harmless white lie intended to comfort or protect your feelings (e.g., friends telling us that we are not fat when we probably do need to lose a few pounds), it’s okay. I have never had a close friend lie to me on anything of importance — or maybe I am just blissfully ignorant (I will take either) 🙂 If it’s a lie told to protect themselves without harming you, you will just have to accept that it’s human nature, and reevaluate your relationship. If it’s a lie that harms you in any way, well, depends on your personality, you can confront them to get it out of your system, or you can cut them off.

    I understand how tough it is to realize that someone you trust is betraying you, but sometimes maybe things are not what they seem. If you have always valued them and your friendship has been long and strong, why not gently bring it up and see if there is any misunderstanding? If after the talk, you are sure that they are lying for a bad reason and there is no way you can trust them ever again, just walk away and keep them at a polite distance from then on. It’s painful, but better than fuming about it inside while pretending to be some superficial friends.

    Anyway, giving them a chance to explain will be a good start. It’s easier said than done, I know… *Hugs*

  7. Yep. I’ve tried to poke around and see what is going on in their life at the time and then asked them why the lie. Sometimes we’ve remained friends and other times the friendship was over.

    It was much more shocking to find out that a friend’s entire life (pretty much) was a lie…and I was so suckered. That made me reevaluate myself and all my relationships…how had I missed this horribleness and who else am I missing it in?

  8. ElenaMusic – I dunno… my gut has led me in the wrong direction many times! And I think you for the award! So cool!

    MissMcCracken – Yeah… I dunno. Don’t really feel the need to blog about it in detail. I think just getting the thought off my chest was enough.

    Diem – Heh-your comment actually made me wonder if Facebook will ever add an “acquaintance” feature.

    Bruce – I have to admit, you’ve rather neatly boiled it down to the two available options. Now… which to pick?

    Mel Heth – I think the “accepting in a different light” is a good approach. Perhaps I simply need to think of them as the acquaintance Diem hints at. And remind myself that no one, ultimately, is trustworthy!

    SkyBlueStateOfMind – Well, it’s always difficult to say exactly what motivations underlie a particular lie, and doubtful that someone would actually admit to them anyway. For the moment, I disagree with bringing up anything, as I think time is the best salve for the time being…

    JustAGirl – I think people lie to protect themselves, or give themselves options or ways out of a situation. I don’t think this person’s entire life was a lie, but it does rather cast the spell of doubt on everything told to me…

  9. YES. I move on, continue to be friends with them, but cast them in a different category of more casual friends and question everything they say going forward.


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