The GeekHiker

In the process of seeking the proper Brawny Man image for the Cute vs. Handsome post, I ran across the ultimate find: the Brawny Man website.

An entire website, dedicated to the fictional character used to hock paper towels? Well, of course, I had to click.

Turns out, I had discovered the illustrious Brawny Academy and perhaps, just perhaps, the secret to attaining the elusive “handsome” moniker after all.

So what’s the Academy all about? Why, it’s about how to become more like the Brawny Man, of course!

Apparently, this involves being tall, dark, handsome, built AND being willing to take a swim in “Lake Tenderness.”

I’m not kidding. Look at the map on the site, it’s right there in the middle.

Apparently there’s a whole reality show (videos on-line, no less), with teams of guys learning how to become more like the Brawny Man. This bit of hilarity will certainly be part of my weekend viewing. Preferably with a beer in hand to enhance the hilarity.

Of course, for you ladies out there, the site is the perfect resource for you to whip that man of yours into shape. Just click on the section marked “Does your husband need housebreaking?” (I always love when a direct association is drawn between a man and a dog) and download the Field Guide.

Of course, I did. Got to know what I might be in for one day, after all. And what’s the title of this field guide? “Honey, let me do that.”

Oh, but it gets better. This, and I am not kidding, is the text in the introduction (which would best be heard in a 1950’s PSA voice):

“Hey there. It’s good to have you here. You know, there’s nothing like chopping wood to the melody of the red-throated loon to help you realize what’s important. Like being a dependable, strong, yet caring man. The kind of man who says “Honey, let me do that.” That’s just what we teach you here at Brawny Academy. So curl up with your favorite power tool and get ready to learn how to become a better man.”

Uh, yeah. Chopping wood to the melody of the red-throated loon is exactly the kind of situation every suburban-living, minivan-driving cubicle drone can associate with. Delbert, for sure, chops wood all the time.

Download it. Seriously. With lessons like “The strong yet gentle way to remove a spider”, “Repairing cigar burns in carpets” (evidently, the Brawny Man, still being all manly and such, smokes the occasional Cuban), and “How to say you’re sorry”, how can you resist?

But the Appendix, titled… wait for it.. “Tools for her”? Way, way too much could be read into that one.

Have fun. I’m (hoping) it’s all tongue-in-cheek, but I’m off to take a walk across “The Caring Grounds” and take a dip in “Lake Tenderness” anyway.

Happy Friday.