Posted by: GeekHiker | July 29, 2011

The Journal: February, 2011 (2)

So, she blew me off.  After six weeks of talking, flirting, sharing, and opening up to each other, she blew me off in favor of a guy she met at a party six days ago.

And, really, is any one surprised?

It’s a reminder to me that I should keep my heart firmly locked away when I meet someone; so often I’m misled from when all someone really wants me to be is a trusted friend and confidant, even when they themselves may have thought they wanted more.

Maybe every couple of years I need to be reminded of that.

And that’s all I’m going to say about it for now.

[In fact, that’s all I think I’m gonna say about it in total.]

* * *

I passed my mid-term, though I don’t know how much that means.  The questions seem absurdly easy, much more so that I expect they would be on the actual exam.

Work continues to be… work.  The frustration level is growing, though, as the incompetence shows itself more and more.  I easy my troubled mind by knowing that I’m building out my resume, laying the groundwork for something better, whatever that may be.

* * *

And, for the moment, that’s all there is: broken-hearted, continuing to study, work sucks.  *sigh*

I sure hope this is all leading to something…

[Funny thing is, I’m fairly sure I won’t know for sure for some time to come.]



  1. I had a guy like that once. He kept trying to say that nothing more was really going on with us after I said I wanted to go slow. It was really confusing. I think I realize now he was trying to protect himself, but it still hurt my feelings and I thought he was rejecting me. Maybe that’s what happened between you and this new girl. Or maybe she’s just stupid.

    Seriously, the right woman is out there. When you meet her, neither of you will have any doubts about it! 🙂 Good luck, deario!

  2. It’s probably been said, and I know I am talking to [GH-(6 months)], but from my experience, it’s only when I figured out how to live my life as I wanted to live it, and started living that way, alone, did my true love come back to me.

    I feel that the women in my life didn’t want to be a part of my nutty (they call this emo now) self-exploration. They wanted to make sure that I knew who I was before they could know me.

    So live your life the way you want to, eyes on the prize, forgetting about the gaping hole of a potential intimate soul mate, and someone will come along to complement your life, rather than solve it.

    It took me ten years, but I married the right one.

  3. Derek just took the words right out of my mouth. Err, fingers.

    I don’t think you’ve met the right girl yet because you haven’t gotten yourself in the right space of happiness. You have to figure out your own stuff before you can expect someone to join you in it.

  4. The idea that someone “broke your heart” and therefore you’re not going to open up to anyone is absurd. Sorry, but it is. That’s the whole point of living. Getting out there, getting some experience (and bruises) and finding what it is that complements you. Notice I said “complements,” not “completes.” If you’re looking for someone (or something) to make you “whole,” you’re seriously going to need a lot of water and sunscreen. Be who you are. Live your life. Whoever, or whatever, comes your way to create your experiences will be what they are. If one happens to “stick” and enhance your life, so be it. The fact is, dude, this is your one shot. Are you going to condition it on someone else?

    And yes, I can use more quotation marks if you like.

  5. Late to the party with my comment but I remember “paying” for the wounds another had inflicted on my new bf (this was like 20 yrs ago). I wished that he’d understand I wouldn’t do those same things. I would go on to do other things that would hurt, yes, but never on purpose. No one ever hurts anyone they care about on purpose. Maybe that’s what makes the sting so sharp: they’re closer to their hearts. Anyway I hope instead of hardening you, this experience will make you see that people are all out there trying on sweaters and well, if the winter sweater doesn’t get worn in the summer, it’s not because anything is wrong with the sweater, it’s just the wrong season. It’s really tough for me too, though, to feel rejected, and so I understand how easy it is to read this as a confirmation of either one’s own personal suck, or another’s suck. I think the reality lies somewhere in between human frailty, damage, lack of skill in communicating, and fear of confrontation/rejection/hurt.

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