So, yeah, I have a couple of great posts in the works. They’re funny. They’re deep. They cover epiphanies I’ve had.
Unfortunately, I’m stuck at home today, sick as a dog. And when I’m sick, I can’t write worth shit.
So, even though I said I’d blog more, I’m going to blog less, for a couple of days at least.
Now if I could just figure out why 7-UP, which I normally detest, tastes so damn good when I’m sick…
Posted in Random Thoughts, Writing
So here it is, that long personal post that you’ve all been waiting for. Unless, of course you haven’t, in which case, uh, just wait for the next hiking post, m’kay?
I’m sitting in the mountains, typing this on a laptop. It’s quiet here, except for the wind blowing through the trees. It’s an amazing thing, sitting in a pine forest, listening to the birds chirp, and thinking “8 million people and Los Angeles is only 10 miles away as the crow flies”. I’ve lived here for 10 years, and it still blows my mind.
It’s breezier than I would like, blowing stuff around a bit too much, but what are you going to do? Mother Nature will do whatever she wants.
Why, though, do the flies always feel the need to fly into your ears? What is so fascinating to a fly about a person’s ears?
Posted in Life, Random Thoughts, Writing
I’ve been so out of the mood to write lately. But I did go hiking last weekend. So, here’s a boring hike post.
Hiking Mt. Islip from the north side is like ramble along a high sierra trail. Cool, with gentle breezes, and lined with sugar and jeffrey pines, Mt. Islip is a relaxing jaunt that I end up doing two to three times a year. Start early, take your time, breathe the clean mountain air, listen to the wind in the trees and enjoy a bit of solitude.
Posted in Hiking
A witty post. Or at least an attempt at a witty post. Because I need one. And it’s friday.
A few rules I’ve discovered whilst living and driving in LA:
1. You own the road. All yours. You paid for it with your taxes, so it’s yours.
2. No one else owns the road. You do not have to share. They paid their taxes for your road. Generous, of them, eh?
3. All the other drivers are idiots, you’re the only intelligent one out there.
4. Plus, you have the reflexes of a jungle cat, so feel free to tailgate.
5. No one else needs to be anywhere as quickly as you. The rest of us just enjoy sitting in traffic and should be ashamed of ourselves that we are interrupting your important journey.
6. Driving on the highway = playing bumper cars. It’s just a larger amusement park ride, really.
7. Per number 6, just drive down the freeway moving in and out of traffic freely. If you drive fast enough, it’s like an obstacle course. Or a video game. With 4,000 lb. hunks of metal and plastic moving at 70 mph. Clearly, nothing to worry about.
8. Turn signals are for pansies. Just move into the lane whenever you want, others will move out of the way for you.
9. If they honk, it’s because they forgot rule number 1.
10. When changing lanes, make sure to telegraph your move by moving 1 foot into the lane for a half mile (minimum) before actually changing lanes.
11. Don’t know which lane you want? No problem, just drive with half of your car in each lane!
12. If someone is signaling to move in front of you in traffic, speed up. Under no conditions let them in ahead of you. Never give up valuable lane space.
13. 12 also applies if someone is trying to merge onto the freeway in front of you.
14. 12 & 13 are especially applicable if traffic is moving less than 5 miles an hour, because that 15 extra feet makes a lot of difference. It puts you 15 feet closer to home than them. If you let even one car in front of you, you will be home one half hour later, minimum. Really. Trust me.
15. The only exception to 12 is if you are able to perform your requisite daily “grand gesture of kindness”. If someone is waiting for fast-moving traffic to clear to pull out of a parking lot, stop your car, and graciously wave your fellow driver into traffic. Ignore the resulting four-car pile-up behind you. You’ve done your good deed, your conscience is clear.
16. Right-hand-turn-only lanes? Your chance to get ahead. Just go down to the end of the lane, but don’t turn right. Stop, let four cars back up behind you. Then, as the light changes, just punch it and go straight, cutting in front of the guy on your left. You might get five cars ahead…until the next red light. Repeat if needed.
17. Never, never drive around the block. If you’re exiting a corner business and need to turn left, make sure all six lanes of traffic have to stop just to let you through. Remember rule number 1.
18. If you need to enter a business on the left corner just on the opposite side of an intersection, stop and wait for traffic to clear to make your turn. That traffic blocking the intersection behind you, then blocking the cross traffic? Not your problem. You have every right to your Slushee.
19. Never just honk your horn. Lay on it for a while. A good long while. Make sure they know you mean it.
20. If the guy in front of you isn’t making the right turn on red fast enough for you, honk your horn. It doesn’t matter that you can’t see around the corner to know what he might hit, it’s your job to tell him how to drive. After all, you know best.
21. In parking lots, the closest space is the most valuable. Nobody walks in LA, it’s against the law.
22. Rule 21 is even more true in parking garages. Always wait for the space on the lowest floor, even if three floors of empty parking above you. It’s best to do this at Christmas, when you can stack 10 or more cars behind you while waiting for the golden spot.
23. Any place in LA is only 20 minutes away. Even when it’s three hours away.
24. Gesture rudely to anyone who makes a mistake in front of you. You, of course, having never made a mistake behind the wheel of a car at any point in your entire life, should feel completely comfortable with the gesture.
25. It’s a war out there. You against them. Winner take all. Therefore: the only rule you really need to remember is Rule number 1.
Posted in Life In LA
This wasn’t the post I was going to do tonight. The post I was going to do tonight was going to be lighthearted, something to cheer my own spirits as much as anyone elses. But this has been nagging me, so a-posting I will go.
Growing up in California, I’m certainly no stranger to urban sprawl. I remember as a kid traveling to see my Great Aunt in San Francsico. We would leave Sacramento, pass UC Davis, farmland, The Nut Tree, more farmland and river delta, and then hit Vallejo.
By the time I was in college, driving back and forth, huge swaths of that farmland were starting to be turned into subdivisons. And factory outlet stores.
This last weekend, I decided to go for a drive. I’ve had a lot on my mind, more and more of late, and needed to get out.
I decided to drive State Route 126. Now, the last time I was out there was about four years ago. It’s an area called the Heritage Valley, and it was mostly orchards and a couple of small towns. I think it was all two lane highway, and I know the speed limit was arond 55. And you could take a cool train trip from Fillmore.
Well, that’s what it was.
In five years, the highway is four lanes traveling at 75 all the way through. Huge (and I do mean huge) subdivisions filled with McMansions are being built over the orhards.
The town of Fillmore lies on the north side of the highway. To the south was farmland. Not anymore. Now it’s The Bridges, or some silly name like that; a giant housing development, filled with giant houses. And two large, tacky, completely fake and utterly useless steel bridges forming the entryway.
And all the houses start at a half million.
All in four years.
While I know part of this is just getting older, and seeing the world change at an ever-quickening pace, the absolute speed of it is killing me.
Before long, Tejon Ranch will be filled with homes. Eventually, LA will start in San Diego and end in Bakersfield.
I’ve always loved my native state. But I don’t know that I can stay here. I can’t afford a house. I can’t afford the cost of living. More and more people are streaming in and paving over, well everything.
In fact, that’s what will be the final chapter, I’m starting to think. It won’t be fires, earthquakes, floods, riots, or any other disaster that ends it all. The state will just be slowly paved over into parking lots and single family homes.
When you can take a day trip and drive a hundred miles out of the city to visit a small town, and end up never really leaving the city? May be time to go…
Posted in Life, Life In LA, Random Thoughts
So, in addition to all the other crap of the past couple of weeks, life tossed something new into the pot this week: a brand new neighbor.
My old neighbor was a nice enough guy. The only drawback was that he smoked, and the prevailing winds around our place took the smoke out of his living room and blew it into mine. So, I just left the living room window shut. I mean, what was I going to do, ask the guy not to smoke in his own living room?
Other than that, he was a good neighbor. Quiet, went to bed early, was quiet in the morning (5:00 am) when he left for work. The walls are lath-and-plaster with no insulation, so that kind of thing is important.
A couple of weeks ago he left and my new neighbor moved in. He is ever so annoying. He talks loud. He plays the TV loud. He has a loud, annoying, high-maintenance girlfriend. Who comes complete with two yappy little dogs. And they occasionally have arguments. At 1:00 in the morning.
As I write this, I’m running on four hours sleep due to their TV (and about which I will be talking to him later on today), plus I got to work late because of an overturned truck on the freeway. And, of course, as only seems to happen when I’m stuck in traffic, a system was down and everyone was angrily waiting for me to show up and fix it.
What next, world?
Posted in Life, Random Thoughts, Work
Have you ever:
Damn it all, anyway. *sigh*
Posted in Random Thoughts
Why do I refer to her as “The Best Friend”?
Because, when I sent her a half-drunk whiny e-mail, she not only A) didn’t interpret it as being half-drunk or whiny, she B) called me, on her lunch hour, from her workplace, the very next day, and C) her first reaction upon reading the e-mail: “aw, dammit!” Simply put: she rocks.
* * *
For those interested, since the cathartic post I’m feeling much, much better now. Thanks.
Posted in Friendship
… I feel the need to blog something.
Thank God for alcohol. In 22 oz. bottles no less.
Posted in Dating, Random Thoughts
The GeekHiker 